Wednesday, November 23, 2005


(numbered but not in any particular order)

1. I am thankful I have a job and a salary (for as small as it is).
2. I am thankful I am healthy and have insurance that covers the times I am not.
3. I am thankful for 2 parents who love me no matter what, support me both emotionally and professionally and who are 2
of my best friends.
4. I am thankful I have the common sense needed to get through an entire day.
5. I am thankful for the handful of real friends I have and would do anything for.
6. I am thankful that the handful of real friends I have love and cherish me, flaws and all (and there are many).
7. I am thankful that Madonna has released a successful album this time around (despite the ‘I Love NY’ song).
8. I am thankful that despite how sick my grandmother is that she wakes up every morning, enjoys another day and
continues to fight to stay alive.
9. I am thankful that people like Margaret Perrin (the crazy Christian woman from ‘Trading Spouses’) live in a state far, far
away from me.
10. I am thankful that I met my boyfriend when I did and not during my ‘fcuk ‘em and leave ‘em’ phase.
11. I am thankful that I have fallen in love with a person who would never hurt me intentionally, respects and adores me and
pushes me everyday with my creativity, thoughts and never allows me to settle.
12. I am thankful that each and every time I have had sex I have achieved an orgasm.
13. I am thankful for the gift of my creativity and the fact that I have been able to make a career out of it.
14. I am thankful that after 50+ years of living, my father finally seems happy and content with his life, where he has been and where he is going.
15. I am thankful that there are only 1,133 days (give or take) left to George W’s term as president.
16. I am thankful that the number above decreases each and every day.
17. I am thankful that I can call NYC my home even though I do not currently live there.
18. I am thankful my grandmother taught me as little not4nothin to have a voice for myself and make sure that voice is
heard in a respectful, dignified manner.
19. I am thankful that I got to know and love an aunt of mine the way I did (although I really would have loved for her to see
me as a man and I think our time was cut way too short).
20. I am thankful for the first time my parents took me to a Broadway show (I have been hooked ever since). It was ‘Annie’
in case you were wondering.
21. I am thankful that both my parents taught me to have an open mind and to accept people who are different than I am.
22. I am thankful that I have been granted with the intelligence and desire to learn more about those who are different than
I am.
23. I am thankful for all of our troops who are overseas defending our freedoms and risking their lives in order to protect
24. I am thankful that the people I personally know in the armed forces remain safe and sound at the end of each day.
25. I am thankful for George Lucas and the original ‘Star Wars’ trilogy he has given us. And I guess I am a little thankful for
‘Revenge of the Sith.’
26. I am thankful that the movie version of ‘Rent’ finally comes out on the big screen today.
27. I am thankful that my years full of waiting for this movie are now over.
28. I am thankful that I can recognize my past mistakes and my flaws, acknowledge them and hopefully learn from them in
the hopes of not repeating them.
29. I am thankful that the Yankees at least made it into the playoffs this year.
30. I am thankful that Derek Jeter still has the finest a$$ in the Major Leagues.
31. I am thankful that for a white boy I was blessed with the gift of rhythm and have the ability to turn a few heads on the
dance floor if I want to.
32. I am thankful that I had the childhood I did.
33. I am thankful that I survived being held up at gunpoint 2 and a half years ago completely unharmed (with the exception
of some of my dignity).
34. I am thankful that I live in a country in which I have the freedom to voice all of my feelings, opinions, beliefs and
criticisms openly and post them on the Internet for anyone in the world to read.
35. I am thankful that despite the prejudice and hate mongers in the world that there a few members of the gay community
who have not let discrimination stop them in their desire to get married.
36. I am thankful that I do not have any regrets in any of the decisions I have made in my life.
37. I am thankful that my boyfriend has a dog and not a cat.
38. I am thankful that I am who I am.
39. I am thankful that without a scientific miracle I will never have to go through the experience of giving birth.
40. I am thankful that there are only 28 days left until I go home for Christmas.


Friday, November 18, 2005


this morning, while getting ready for work, i had the radio on. there was a morning show on the station my stereo was programmed to. on the program was the owner of the restaurant 'a taste of heaven' (hello to a little bit of free advertising) which is located in chicago. from what i gathered this is a family restaurant but not a 'family' restaurant in the way chucky cheese is a 'family' restaurant. anyway, the owner posted a sign reminding the restaurant's patrons that if you are entering with children to please keep their noise volume down and remember that there are other people dining as well. of course, it did not take long for some up-tight mother (who probably lives in the suburbs of chicago and only comes into the big, bad city for a night on the town twice a year) to react negatively to the sign and organize a boycott of 'a taste of heaven' (free advertising yet again).

let me start off by saying MAJOR PROPS to the owner of 'a taste of heaven!!!!' put those little fcuking heathens in their place. it is your restaurant which should be run how you see accordingly. you also have an obligation to the 'childless' patrons who come to your restaurant to dine and ensure that their experience is pleasurable. not to mention the obligation to your staff working at the restaurant and providing them with an appropriate environment in which they can perform their tasks which you have outlined and expect of them.

i am 28-years-old and childless. and i plan to remain that way forever. that's right...forever 28 and forever childless. there are times when i do not think that children should even be allowed out in public. speaking for myself, when i go out to a restaurant the last thing i want to see is some 5-year-old running up and down the aisles screaming at the top of his or her lungs with arms moving all over the place. i go out to escape the ins and outs of my day, not to mention the fact of celebrating that i am childless. i honestly believe that children should not be allowed at any function or place in which alcohol is being served. and if that is the case and should that law ever get passed, i would walk around with a beer can sewn into my hand.

i don't know about anyone else out there but when i was a child, i constantly lived in fear of what awaited me back at home if i embarassed my parents in any way, shape or form when in public. if i even ever had the balls to 'act up' in public i would get 'the look' which told me my a$$ would be bright red the minute i stepped foot into the house. if my parents would so much as come within 10 feet of the draw where the wooden spoon was kept and i was in tears. i have said before that as a child, i spent more time between my grandmother's legs than my grandfather. i was no fool. i knew where to go if i had actually mustered up the courage to act out.

and speaking as a former waiter who put myself through college and grad school doing ain't easy serving a table with occupants who can't keep their a$$es in the seats. i don't come into your place of employment and cause problems so don't come into mine (or into current waiters and waitresses, since i am no longer one) and cause destruction for them. and what happens if your little heathen gets in someone's way and a plate or bowl of hot food spills on your child? who is going to get sued? the restaurant of course. it is not fair to those who are trying to do their job to have to side-step around your little heathens who cannot control themselves and know how to behave in public. i always gladly gave up tables with any occupants under the age of 16. the $2 you'd leave me on the bill no matter how high was not worth what awaited me had i served you. and it was better for the life of your little heathen that i not be your waiter anyway. they got to see the beginning of another day.

now, don't get me wrong. i realize there are those children out there who you would never even know they are around. MAJOR PROPS to them for good behavior and to the parents who take the time to disipline their children properly. newsflash to the parents who don't...throwing your disruptive child in front of the television or putting a video game control pad into their hands does not make the problem go away. if i am paying $50 for a dining experience or $200 for a seat on a plane, i do not expect to be bothered by someone else's result of not using a condom.

i am childless because i choose to be. call me selfish, but i enjoy spending my $ on me. i enjoy going out on a minutes notice. i enjoy staying out until 3 in the morning. and call me crazy, but i enjoy (but not really) spending my $ on paying back my school loans.

and for all the parents out there who are saying, 'but i want a night out too.' great, i am sure you do. if i had little heathens at home, i'd want to leave as well. and probably never come back. but that is why teenage girls invented the part-time job of babysitting. and if you have children who cannot act properly when in public, i suggest you use them. treat them as the 'babies' they are acting like and get them BABYsitters. the name is in the job title.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

What's The Big Deal?

last week, i was feeling a slew of different feelings. and i don't know if it is the weather, the change of seasons, the holidays approaching or what. but my mood elevator has definately caused the brain to run circles along the track within my skull.

over the weekend, the boyfriend and i were watching LOGO, the gay channel sponsored by MTV networks. that's right, we have our own channel and we are slowly taking over the world. i think having our own television channel is prediction number 5 in the handbook we are given once we come out of the closet. hold on tight, cause prediction numbers 6-8 are doozies. anyway, we happened to catch most of the movie/documentary 'wigstock.' this is a movie that was filmed back in 1994 and covered the event in which dragqueens perform from sun up to sun down. it is an event that promotes togetherness, unity and tolerance. and it is held in the greatest city in the world, the city i am proud to call my home, nyc. it got me to thinking that a lot has happened both within and outside of the gay community in the past 11 years.

let's start within the gay community first. for some reason, it hit me while sitting on my couch in my apartment in the god-awful red state i currently reside in, that the community has been struggling for a very long time to be accepted within society. strides have been made. i think 3 U.S. states now recognize gay marriage, along with spain and canada. there are gay characters all over people's television sets. and i am talking real, down to earth, professional gay people. a lesbian hosts a top rated daytime talk show for the past 3 years now. the number of people dying from AIDS within the communtiy is slowly dropping and both men and women are educating themselves and practicing safer sex. teens are beginning to come out in high school now and are being supported by groups within their schools and neighborhoods. that is something i would never have imagined possible, especially attending an all boys catholic high school.

with all of these positive changes within our communtiy, it leads me to still question why in certain parts of this country (hello...where i live) people are still so discriminating toward us. at the end of the day, we are just people, like everyone else, trying to make it through another day. one of the dragqueens in the movie 'wigstock' said, 'hopefully there are all types of people here today. and for any straight haters, you're on our turf today. and for those gay people with all the anti-straight people t-shirts on, it was because of breeders that your gay a$$ is here today.' honestly, what gives? many of the gay people i know wouldn't hurt anyone. and they don't. they all hold down full-time, steady jobs. some own property. some donate their time and are generally good people. fcuk. some even go to church, but that's their business and something i could never understand becuase i admit i don't want to. so, why all the hate? why do my friends and i still have to go to the rundown, desserted part of town to go to a gay bar? why do people at work ask how my 'friend' is when referring to my boyfriend? why do i constantly have to hear aboout all of the people who oppose gay marriage day in and day out? who is it hurting? seriously, how many straight marriages have been affected by 2 gay people wanting to do the same with their relationship? who is it hurting that there are festivals out there in which men dress as woman and perform for the masses? got news for you...that's been happening since the days of shakespear. so, back the fcuk off and worry about the problems happening within your community. the last i checked they captured that teen from pennsylvania who shot and killed his girlfriend's parents. and it was a woman and her husband who entered that wedding hall in jordon and were set to detonate themselves. oh, straight love. yeah, you have no problems.

and on that note, think about what else has happpened since the movie 'wigstock.' those two magnificant archetectural designs that stood in the backdrop of the movie were attacked and brought down to the ground by terrorists. this country has been involved in a never ending war in the mid-east. and we've had a father-son duo of idiots occupy the most powerful job in our country. all something to think and worry about. not the guy sitting next to you who during the day is just like everyone else, just getting by but happens to be in love with a man. and who probably wouldn't hurt another living soul on purpose. unlike the Cee yoU Next Tuesday who knowingly walked into a wedding reception with explosions strapped to her body with a mission to kill innocent people. worry about people like that.

Thursday, November 10, 2005


i am feeling a little magenta this morning. for all those die hard 'golden girls' fans out there you know what i mean. and for those who don't 'feeling magenta,' as blanche describes to dorothy, is when a slew of feelings run through your body and you don't know how to classify it. i guess the one emotion or feeling that is the most identifiable within me is disappointment.

there is a lot of crazy sh*t currently taking place in the world in which we share. riots in france. bombings in jordan. cruise ships being attacked by pirates off the coast of africa. paris hilton car accidents at 2:30 in the morning. and the media who covers it. i ask, what next?

it is becoming that time of year, at least in america (just in case this website might span across the atlantic and pacific) in which a slew of holidays are approaching fast. it is that time of year in which many of us travel hundreds of miles cross country to spend with our closest loved ones and let them know just how much they mean to us. but this year, i have noticed that many people around me are a little bit more on edge, a little bit more crabby and a little bit more down in the dumps than normal.

at least for me, it is becoming a little more difficult to watch the news or pick up a newspaper each day. no one has ever said that the world was a perfect place. and the events relayed to us on a daily basis definately support that. it leads me to question just how humanity works and wonder how people can be so cruel to one another.

it is all part of growing up that one experiences a certain amount of teasing as a child. every school in this country has a bully, every year. and our instincts for survival kick in. it is human nature to either align ourselves with the bullies on the playground, join in and befriend the bullies or tolerate the teasing and form thick skin. i have found as i made my way through life, that often the bullies, no matter what shape or size, adult or child, are usually significantly weaker than the person they are teasing. i have also learned as a young(er) adult that you have to choose your battles. there is only so much a person can withstand before completely lashing out in retaliation.

humans are a funny species. animals must look at us in amazement. variety is the spice of life. there are a wide range of people who make up this crazy world in which we share. we all make the world go round. everyone has something to offer and contribute. no one is a complete waste. and don't let anyone tell you that anyone or anything is worthless.

so, where am i going and what am i trying to say? i could ask myself the same question. i guess that all i am trying to say is that i have noticed that as a whole, humanity is really struggling right now. it will effect those who come after us and those who are observing us now. i am the furthest thing one will ever compare to being religious and i am not trying to preach at all. i just think that with the holidays approaching, we all need to take the time to love ourselves a little more. and take the time to love the person on either side of you a little more as well. and not just now, but all year long. respect may be the first step we could take in correcting the problems we face.