Stepping Out of Character a Sec

i try not to get too vocal about political issues, but i am in an extremely restless mood today due to some events which have taken place this week. i admit that i am a little behind on some national news events. but, better late than never. so, what i have to say will be short, simple and get straight to the point.

george w. you are truly an a$$hole. i hope that you are enjoying your 5-week-vacation as our gas prices continue to rise bleeding the lower and middle classes dry and our troops continue to loose their lives over in the middle east. i truly hope that cindy sheehan ruins your 5-week-absence from this nation's problems every time you look out the window to your ranch.

and for cindy sheehan...i am so sorry for your loss. thank you for making this behind-blogger aware of your loss and cause. go on with your bad self and know that there are other people out there who support you and your cause.

Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

i will be the first to admit that i am not one to read the newspaper or watch the evening news. my feelings on this is that there is enough bad news and problems in the world that i do not need to be reminded or given visual recounts while lying vertical on my couch. from the few snippets i was able to catch while on the precore machine at the gym last week, it is my understanding that the tapes from 9/11 were released last week. why? why? why?

it is a proven fact, and i am sure many will agree, that september 11th was the worst attack the united states has ever experienced, especially since it was on our own soil. the terrorist plans did not go 100% according to plan and the death toll numbers could have been a lot higher. but, all in all, it was still a devastating day.

even though it was almost 4 years ago, i remember almost every minute of that horrible, horrible day. i was back in school and the furthest away from home i had ever been. home being nyc. my class that morning had been canceled, and after my teacher called to tell me that, i went back to sleep. the phone rang again and it was my friend from minnesota. all i heard after saying 'hello' was, 'please tell me your dad did not have a meeting in the world trade center this morning.' still half asleep, i asked why. she instructed me to turn on my tv and as the picture on my screen came up, the second plane struck the second tower. i remember say, 'a second plane hit the other tower. i have to go.' i hung up the phone and called my father's office immediately. his assistant answered and was already crying. in mid-sentence, the phone cut out and i was unable to know of my dad's whereabouts.

my phone, along with call waiting, began to ring nonstop. cousins from all over the country asking me where my dad was and if i had spoken to him. my dad worked blocks away from the trade center and had meetings in those buildings often. i frantically began trying to contact any family member i could in ny. with each unsuccessful attempt, i became more and more upset. fellow classmates and friends slowly began to occupy my apartment bringing with them food and support knowing i was from nyc.

for the first time in my life, i felt completely helpless. i began to run down the list of everyone i knew who worked in the city, in or around the trade center. my first reaction was to jump in my car and drive the 14 hour drive it would have taken me to get home. my family and friends were there and i needed to make sure they were all accounted for. it was pointed out to me that i probably would not have gotten very far, considering that the island of manhattan was closed. and i would have had to go through d.c. as well. my friend in minneapolis summed it up perfectly, i was watching my hometown being attacked on tv and there was nothing i could about it.

after a few extremely long hours, my father called to inform me that he was ok. he in fact took the day off and was down the jersey shore with my grandparents. but, he did see the towers fall to the ground from the jersey side as he made his way back home. to this day, he still feels an incredible amount of guilt that he was not there to support his staff and assist in everyone leaving the building and finding safety.

although my classes were suspended for the day and the city was shut down, i still had to go to my waitering job that evening. i thought to myself 'who the hell is going to be out tonight?' i could not have been more wrong. the place was packed as people drank their sorrows away. many patrons knew nyc was my home and asked how i was. at that point, my dad was accounted for, but there were many friends and one person i knew of who worked on the upper floors who were not accounted for. i will never forget when one co-worker asked, 'what's with the sad face and attitude you have tonight?' i actually asked if he was kidding. i remember the silence that fell upon the entire restaurant and bar as the leader of our country addressed the nation. people stood and applauded as george w. swore we'd catch those responsible and bring them o justice.

well, it is almost 4 years after the fact. and what do we have to show for it? a huge, gapping hole in the lower section of manhattan. families (still) mouring the loss of sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, husbands, wives, friends and relatives. over 3,000 innocent people lost trying to carry on their lives. soldiers lost trying to defend our freedom. increasing oil and gas prices. attacks happening in other parts of the world. tapes promising even more destructive attacks in our future. the leader responsible for all of this still at large. our leader taking vacation and trying to discriminate against people within his own country. and the release of tapes from that horrible day.

fortunately for me, i did not lose anyone to those attacks. i do know a survivor who was on her way up to her office on one of the top floors. she made her way out of the elevator and down 80+ flights of stairs on fire. she never again saw the people in the elevator with her or her coworkers who were all lost and she will never be the same person again. i also have a cousin who was pulled into a storefront as the towers crumbled and she escaped being under the wreckage. and i have a father, who because of his job, was down in the rubble on september 12th. and to this day refuses to discuss what he saw.

of course, we should always remember what happened that day. it is now a part of this country's history. remember the victims. remember who and what they were. but, do we really need to hear the fear and terror in their voices on record as they tried to escape? is that really the memory those in possession of the tapes want families to have? for me, what i saw on my television screen was enough. and being without a father for 4 hours was enough.

it has taken almost 4 years, but the public and hollywood is letting mr. george w. know how we, as a country and as seperate communities, feel. the final season of 'queer as folk' did a great job informing the current a$$hole in charge what we think of his discriminatory acts against gays. and last nights episode of 'six feet under' did a wonderful job giving a viewpoint on the current, and pointless war taking place in the mideast. in my opinion, both great ways for two shows to go out with a bang and give george w. the big middle finger in his face that the rest of us cannot give.

I Do...

...not understand what all the fuss is about over the definition of marriage. as of right now, on wednesday, august 3rd, 2005, many of the 50 states define marriage as a union between one man and one woman. excluding the sates of massachusetts, vermont (i think) and utah (for reasons other than keeping marriage to just 1 woman).

for me, it doesn't boil down to a discussion of marriage. it boils down to a discussion of equality. the notion that all men (and women) are created equal and are treated equally. those are the basic principles in which this country was founded. i realize that we have hit some bumps along the way, such as the civil war and the issue of slavery, but eventually equality was established. although it may not be practiced by every redneck-hillbilly out there, there are still laws in effect that still recognize every person. that is, except homosexuals.

i have found that from my personal observation, there really is never a problem with homosexuals until the topic of marriage rises to the surface. my boyfriend's father recently said that when marriage and homosexuals are used in the same sentence, people often go straight (no pun intended) to the visual of what will take place in the bedroom.

i think that makes complete and total sense. most of the time, when i hear a hate-monster speaking out about gays, he or she often says, 'the thought of two guys together just makes me sick.' interesting. one usually gets a hard-on at the thought of two women together but two guys together makes ya sick. really? i see two guys together all the time. as a matter of fact, i often see more than two guys together. at work. at the gym. at bars and clubs. in the parking lot of bars and clubs after having been shot down by every female there. in restaurants. doesn't make me sick. their most-often-than-not-heterosexual-stupidy does, but the fact that they are together doesn't. not to be misunderstood and to clarify, i know many very intelligent, straight men. however, i think the idiots outweigh them. moving on.

i have attended several weddings. have stood up for several people at their weddings. and probably have more in my future. to date, all of them have been heterosexual weddings. never once before. during. or after did i envision and wonder about my friends banging in the bedroom afterwards. when i looked at the couple, all i saw was love, commitment and devotion. granted, not all of those marriages have worked out, but at that moment and even now, there was nothing but love between the two people standing at the alter in front of their family, friends and other loved ones.

and ultimately, that's all gays want. the same equal rights every other married couple is entitled to. the right to be recognized and acknowledged as a couple whose base is built out of love. seriously, do you honestly think that we feel we need a license to fcuk? we do plenty of that without a marriage license. hasn't stopped us before and it won't in the future. trust me.

and then there are those who say that if gay marriage is legalized, what's next? people wanting to marry animals. people marrying objects. do you realize how unintelligent you are making your argument with statements like this? do you not see how much you are scraping the bottom of the barrel for a defense?

let me tell ya. i'd rather marry something that would make me happy than marry a woman, not be happy and deny to myself and everyone else who i really am. i love women. some of my best friends are women. sh*t, i came out of the most inner part of a woman. just don't want to marry one. so, put that in your constitution and smoke it!

What is a Role Model?

as people grow up, get married, have children and watch their children have children, there are some things which never change from generation to generation. hair color, eye color, height, likes and dislikes, personalities. things which trickle down and remind you that there is a little bit of you within that person's makeup. reminders that your influence has been noted and is continuing to be carried out by someone else. one thing which rarely changes from generation to generation, especially when we are kids, is the fact that we all have a hero or someone in the limelight we look up to or want to be like.

when i was a tiny tyke my role model was the new york mets lead-off-hitter, centerfielder, #4, lenny dykstra. to me, he seemed to embody what it meant to be a team player and a true athlete. i also thought, even at a very young age, that he was pretty easy on the eyes. in my opinion, his only downfall was that he chewed tobacco. and then there was that pesky drinking problem. well, we all have our hangups.

some of my fondest memories as a kid was watching baseball games, no matter the team, with my grandfather. it was a guarantee that i would soon be transported back to the 1930s and 40s before all nine innings were played. my grandfather would always share his memories of playing stickball in the streets of manhattan and then on the polo grounds when he was older. of course, he was accomodated by his best friend (my great uncle) and a few other of 'the boys' as he often referred to them. the stories of him watching willie mays and babe ruth play were my favorite. true ballplayers who played sick, injured, in the daytime summer heat before stadiums began adding lights. that was baseball. before it became a business it was once a sport. a game with true physical strength. a game of heroes and role models.

within the past year, many allegations of different players using substances has come to the forefront. several players actually went before congress testifying that they did or did not use steroids to enhance their performance. rafael palmeiro, who failed a drug test this week, began his speech by saying 'i never used steroids. period.' and yesterday he is saying that he does not know how the drugs found their way into his body. let's see. did you possibly drink from the same cup of a teammate who does use? did you possibly walk pass a syringe containing the roids and a drop of it got onto your uniform? wait. i think i have the answer. i think your use has made you so incredibly stupid that you could rationalize yourself into thinking that the amercian public would never believe you do them if you say you don't, although you tested positive. don't insult my intelligence you a$$hole. or the players who came before you and were true athletes. you know, the players who could actually hit the ball out of the ballpark on their own.

i really think you need to take the time over your suspension and think about the message you are sending to the youth of today. i am old enough to realize what a jacka$$ you are. but these little kids who buy the merchandise carrying your name, who beg their parents to take them to the ballpark to see you in action, who find a way to stay up 5 more minutes on a schoolnight to watch you play on the tv. they are the ones you are hurting. sports and true athleticism is all about mental and physical strength. mental and physical strength that is not meant to be enhanced by illegal, damaging substances.

and let's not forget about going on tv, sitting before our government and lying. a former president did that and came close to being impeached. in my opinion, you got off easy with just a 10 day suspension. our current president, who claims to be a friend of yours, claims that he believes you and supports you. this is also an a$$hole who believes we have a right to be in the middle east when members of his own army are saying we need to get out. just crawl into a hole and hide now.

and although jose canseco is at fault for doing the same thing, i give him credit. he took his tiny balls and stood up and took fault for what he did. say what you want about him. that's a man. a possible role model. a man who realizes what he did wrong and acknowledges it. he's got more balls than all of those who are trying to hide and protect your reputations. a reputation which if you ask me is nothing but one big false misconception anyway. you listening mr. mcguire?

so, mr. palmero, make sure you keep the viagra handy since you are their spokesman. with the shrinking of your manhood, you're gonna need it. i think you should keep going. you're already a pu$$y in my book.