The One

in a world filled with millions of people, is it no wonder that there are so many people who are single? more than one person has told me that relationships are by far, the hardest thing they had ever been a part of. cause if they were easy, 'life as a single' would be next to non-existant. the more i think about how hard relationships are, the more i tend to agree with it. which is probably why, i was never really good at them and often found myself on my own.

i have seen friends and family get married, maybe have some kids and end up getting divorced. maybe even get remarried down the road. i have also seen friends and family go on date after date and never find what they were looking for. as a whole, are people just getting too picky and bringing on the single life themselves? in a world filled with freaks, psychos, liars and celebrities who rush down the altar to end up seeking annullments, i would hope that people are getting more picky with who they date and eventually end up spending the rest of their life with.

it has been an observation of mine that humans are one of the few species who rely on monogamy. some argue that it is human instinct to sew your royal oats and pillage and conquer as many people as possible when it comes to the bedroom. ideas about this topic have changed drastically with the progression of generations. i believe (and would hope) that my grandparents were in love with one another at one time. but from what i remember growing up as a kid, their constant arguing and yelling back and forth would lead me to believe otherwise. it has actually crossed my mind that they only stayed together for convenience and because that generation just did not get divorced. it was not an option and caused quiet the scandal if it did in fact happen.

in the past, i have seen nothing wrong with playing the field, weighing your options and looking at both the positives and negatives of a person. and while doing this, i have never seen anything wrong with sleeping with multiple people. seperately or at the same time, as long as two things were taken into account. the first being that the person always played safely and the second being that all parties involved were aware of the situation and no surprises popped up in the future. so, with that being the case, why do so many people feel that people who do this are tramps, sluts, whores or players? and it is by far worse for women to behave this way rather than a man. a man is viewed as verile and strong with a 'high number.' while a woman with a 'high number' is cutting her chances of marriage in half. i have to ask, who the fcuk gives others the right to judge anyone else and how they live? and what makes a person who is one half of a couple better than a person who is single? being single is not a disease, it won't rub off if you stand too close.

i think that many people are 'in love with the idea of being in love.' i have fallen victim to this. having a partner who is obsessive, selfish, dependent on you or the relationship is based strictly on sex is not love. i can honestly say, that for the first time in my 28-year existence, i have found true love. and i know that the boyfriend reads this blog on occassion, so i will spare the intimate details of how great the sex is in the hopes of his head not swelling too much.

in all seriousness, the true love of another person is shown multiple times in a given day. knowing that person is always there, at your finest moments and at the ones you wish you could erase, is true love. true love is looking you in the face, after having an extremely rough, beaten-up day at your job and pinky-swearing that he supports whatever you decide to do and promises to not disappear from the picture. true love is insisting that you put your clothes back on after crawling into your i'm-down-in-the-dumbs-pajamas and taking you out for showtunes tuesday at your local gay bar because he knows it is a 100% guarantee that it will put a smile on your face.

that is true love and not just the idea of being in love with the idea of being in love. not only do i feel true love in return for my boyfriend, but i also feel truly lucky to have found him. and i plan on holding tight whatever come what may.

"i'll never let go." don't worry, he'll get the reference. :)

I Feel It In My Fingers...

...i feel it in my toes. stupidity is all around me and so the feeling goes.

i always said that the world is filled with stupid people, but this weekend sure rang true for that statement. a weekend filled with tasks as simple as running errands showed me just how stupid a majority of the people out there really are. is it a wonder why japan kicks our a$$ in the intelligence department?

saturday morning, i was up and out early to begin a day filled with a gazillion and one errands. figuring i'd play it safe, i brought with me my coffee travel mug. god forbid i try to function on a saturday before 10 without digesting a full pot of coffee. out the door at 9:40 and to my first stop by 9:55. and by noon, i had been to the art store, to the phone store to donate my old phone, the apple store to have my shuffle looked at, 2 groceries stores and fill up my car with gas. and i still had more to do. back to my apt. by 12:05 and back out the door to head to the farmer's market and to the office to get a little work in.

in that short-less-than-two-hour span, stupidity hit me from all sides. a large part of it can be directly traced back to the invention of the cell phone. i have a cell phone. i carry it with me everywhere i go. it is, after all, my only phone line. and i admit to talking on it when i am in the car alone. however, there is this great little invention that can be found in the gizmo section of any store near you. it is this long, thin cord that plugs into your phone on one end and has an earpiece on the other. let me clarify that the earpiece can actually fit into either your left or right ear for those who may be confused. and in the middle of this cord is a little microphone which enables the person on the other end of the phone to hear the words that are coming out of your mouth. and the great thing about this little invention is that it allows for 2 hands on the stirring wheel at all times if necessary. granted i look like a backup dancer from madonna's 'blonde ambition' world tour with the little microphone extension that runs along the side of my face, but i still wear my earpiece when driving.

i cannot tell you how many people i saw in their cars, on the phone without an earpiece in a short 2-hour span. i am guessing that their driving skills would not have been much better if they weren't on the phone. two particular stupid people stand out in my mind. first was the woman who could not be more than 5 feet tall in heels behind the wheel of a huge monster truck, talking on the phone while trying to pull into a tiny little spot between two other monster trucks. i patiently waited to pass her as she paused in the middle of the aisle to laugh at whatever the person on the other end was saying before finishing to pull into her spot. did my car all of a sudden have some sort of invisible shield around it where no one could see me coming? no, it's ok, it's saturday, i have all the time in the world to wait for you to finish your conversation. the next was 10 minutes after this on my way to grocery store #2. a woman again, on her cell without earpiece, merging onto the road off an exit ramp. without looking, or signaling, she decided to get in the middle lane without any regards for the car already in that lane. and by far, the best was the woman in her ducked-taped-together-piece-of-sh*t-ford, cigarete hanging from mouth honking at me to get out of her way. instead of turning and blocking the intersection, i chose to wait where i was for the light to change. word to the warning, do not honk at me. i can guarantee that you will get a few four-letter words and hand jestures thrown back at you. drive your lazy a$$ around me. where you have to go is no more important than where i am headed.

saturday night i attended a street festival honoring the italian heritage. 2 words. hoosier-central. my grandmother would have clutched her chest had she known where i was. not only were food descriptions spelled incorrect, but many see this as an opportunity to round up all the kiddies and make a night of it. i have said before and will say again, when alcohol is present, it is not a place for people who cannot enjoy it. is there some unwritten rule somewhere that says, 'when in a crowded area, the smartest possible thing to do would be to bring the stroller, stop in the middle of everyone and yell at your other rugrats or significant other.' someone please show me that. and i am sorry, but if you step on the back of my $3 flip-flops (thought i'd wear them to fit in) more than once, you are walking too fcuking close to me!!! and i do not need a rendition of j.lo's 'waiting for tonight' sung in my ear as you step on my flip-flops. again, you are standing too fcuking close. back up high-school be-otches. and think twice before giving me the dirty look. i got some news for you. you are not important now and in another twn years, you still won't be important.

but the one who takes the cake for 'stupidity of the year' is a man who lives in my apartment building. don't know who he is, but apparently he lives somewhere above or below my apartment as this is the 2nd time he has tried entering my apartment. but guess what? the key doesn't work a$$hole. why? cause you are trying to enter an apartment that isn't yours. being an intelligent person, here is my analysis of this. i think this a$$hole gets into the elevator and instead of hitting 6, which is directly above 3 on the elevator panel, he hits 3 and gets off thinking he is on 6. my apartment building was built in 1923. and i am sure it is still the same elevator. does he honestly think that he has been launched to the sixth floor that quickly? i don't know about anyone else, but if all of the keys on my keychain were all of a sudden not working, i would look at the apartment number and not stand there like a a$$ wondering why. could it be because the big 301 on the door isn't where you live? stupid fcuk. and because it bears repeating, this is the 2nd time this same a$$hole has done this. except this time, he interrupted relations that were taking place at the time of his stupidity. and that makes him the 'all-time king of stupid motherfcukers everywhere.' congrats!

Full - Circle

i have not written an entry lately because i really didn't feel that i had anything to speak about. in my absence, i searched for a topic and stumbled upon one after another and came to one overwhelming conclusion. it has occurred to me that history, does in fact, repeat itself.

events which have occurred in the past week have ultimately thrown the united states into a tizzy. a major natural disaster has crippled one part of our country and as a result, has left thousands with no where to go and no one to turn to. gas prices continue to increase with no hope of dropping anytime soon. and discrimintaion and finger pointing seem to be soaring off the charts.

growing up as a kid in the 80s, all seemed ok with the world. the biggest concern i had on a daily basis was who i was going to sit with at lunch in the cafeteria. would my 'return of the jedi' lunchbox including an ewok thermos make me cool enough to sit with the 'in' crowd of 6-year-olds?! i had no idea what was going on in the world outside of my own. you mean the center of the universe doesn't revolve around me???

from what i have heard, read and seen on tv, 1977 (the year in which i was born) was not the best in this country's history. there was the infamous blackout which left nyc without power for a significant amount of time. a result of the lights going out gave people the opportunity to loot and fight for their survival. there was a gas shortage which left people to purchase and install locks on the gas tanks to their cars. people tried stealing gas from one another and once again were forced to fight for their survival. 1977 was also the summer in which the son of sam went around randomly killing people. if i remember correctly, it was blondes with shoulder-length hair. or was it dark haired women? what i do know is that he claimed a dog was telling him to commit these murders. and that he lived in my hometown. yup, was killing in nyc, but resided in my suburban hometown. now is my outward angst for suburban life understood? again, if i remember correctly, there was also the harlem riots in 1977. this country had experienced the civil rights movement, yet in dominant cities like nyc, there was still a seperation of black vs. white. and to round things out, many felt that an idiot was running the country.

do we see a cyclic pattern here people? re-read the last paragraph if necessary, subtracting the serial killer part. although, the week is still young and anything is possible. i'll wait and collect my thoughts.

ok, enough time? let's move on.

katrina could very easily be this country's worst natural disaster in some time. it has left thousands homeless, unemployed and with no where to turn. it has literally destroyed one of this country's most noted cities. it has also left the state government pointing the finger at the federal government and vice versa. from what i have seen on tv, it has left races of people pointing the finger at one another saying things would have been conducted differently if new orleans had a population of a different skin color. call me naive, but i'd like to think that people are people. and i know that i try to help in whatever way i can to those who need it, no matter skin color. that is an issue which never crosses my mind, partially because that was not the way in which i was raised. it is also in times like this in which we, as a human race feel quite small and think there is nothing we can do.

as a result of the current, or should i say 'seems-like-a-forever-on-going-conflict' in the middle east, our gas prices have skyrocketed. and with the current hurricane devastation, given gas owners another reason to increase prices. exactly just how far are you going to back the public up against a wall before another visit of having to lock our gas tanks takes place? how dry can the american population be bled? our current administration said that we, as an american population, should stay where we were this past holiday weekend and conserve the gas supply. i responded to that with giant middle finger to the current administration and an 8-hour roadtrip (each way).

i am currently reading a book which takes place in the mid to late 1960s. it deals with discrimination and the struggle of survival for some secondary chacters in the south. as i was reading the other day on a lunchbreak, i realized that some of the issues i was reading about are still relevant in 2005 in certain areas of the country. i live in the midwest, not naming the specific state so as to not completely reveal everything about me in one post. but where i live, in what these people consider to be a big city, i see seperation and segregation among every age group. last month, i saw the words 'whites only' spraypainted on the side of a bar as i passed in the car with my boyfriend. mind you, i just said boyfriend. and i am a boy as well. so, imagine the thoughts which ran through my head as i viewed such obvious hatred, right out there in the open. having never seen such hatred like that, except in a textbook or in a 1950s time warp, i was left feeling extremely uneasy in my current surroundings. how can people still think, act and feel this way? have we as a whole not learned anything? has there not been any progression on this country? is it no wonder that the states on the coasts are more accepting, progressive, cultured, richer, intelligent and open-minded???

and finally, once again we have a true and total a$$hole running the country. jimmy carter did do good as far as foreign policy is concerned. honestly i cannot defend him since i was rolling around in diapers at the time of his presidency and never really paid attention in history class. however, i am an adult now and can see absolutely no good in the current a$$hole this country has elected, foreign or domestic. and saying that i didn't vote for him really doesn't matter. what's done is done. i just continue to hope that in 3 years this country and the people who voted for mr. a$$hole, will think about how hard it has been to live and survive the past 5 years. how soldiers are still overseas and sacrificing their lives and nothing is being accomplished. rememeber how backwards our country is becoming in its thinking and in the policies which are trying to be passed. remember the saying 'like father like son.'

has my point of history repeating itself been made clear? if not, i apologize. it is my first day back in a while. and it is my first day back after a 5-day vacation. so, let me say as clear and to the point as i can. with the anniversary of september 11th in a few days and with the devastation our country has seen in the past few weeks, let's try to love one another just a little more. because we're all we've got.