Out of the Red

since the beginning of this blog, not4nothin has managed to keep my identity and where-abouts under wraps. there is always something special about the heir of mystery. until now. for the past year and nine months, i have been living in one of the most backward cities i think is still left in this country. the gateway to the west. saint louis.

my journey started in june of 2004. the company i was working for until recently began courting me making it seem that both the company and city were like the second coming. i was coming from the south and had been tired of doing the freelance thing. it was time to settle. it was at lunch with the company's hr person when i was informed that i would be the company's only person who happened to sleep with memebers of the same sex. STRIKE ONE. well, i don't know how many (or lack of how many) gay people this hr person had ever seen, but let me tell you, i was 1 of 4 people who happened to sleep with members of the same sex. as i made my way across the highway from southern illinois into missouri a horrible feeling swirled above myself and roxy (my car). and so it began.

the moving company which held my possessions for some reason held my things for a much longer extended amount of time than originally promised. by the time i got my things, i had grown accustomed to the air mattress i would lay my head on each night and same weeks worth of clothes everyone at the office had grown accustomed to.

the company for which i worked for looked all shiny and new on the outside but was far from it once on the inside. not only was it a 100% boys club but my boss' attitude toward me shifted immediately once he learned that i sucked d*ck. and come 6 o'clock i would watch the tumble weed blow through the floor as i was the only one there still working. seems like i was one of the few who didn't have a home, a spouse, 2.5 kids, a dog and white picket fence to go home to. i mean i was 'THE company gay' after all. within the next few months, the person who was hired to work as my partner turned out to be an absolute psycho. she kept a blog, much like this one, except handed out the link to everyone at work and then trashed each co-worker one by one using names and all. and talked about current projects while using client names. she was eventually 'let go.' a little birdy uncovered the blog and handed it over the the owners of the company. STRIKES TWO & THREE.

and on the home front, things were just as unsettling. i had one roommate who wanted to break the lease in order to move in with her boyfriend (of less than a year who was also the guy she cheated on with while dating her previous boyfriend. who also happened to be a co-worked of mine.). she was never home to begin with but once the bible-studying beotch didn't get her way began accusing me and my other roommate of causing a miserable and unstable living situation. looooong story short. i took the Cee U Next Tuesday to court and she had to pay the remainder of the lease. don't fcuk with an italian from the nyc. STRIKE FOUR.

oh, and the other roommate was a whiny-woe-is-me-no-one-else-has-any-problems kinda gal. and her biggoted, close-minded relatives lived a short 15 minutes away. grandpa was asked not to return to our apartment after asking if many 'Ns' lived in our building. what was this? 1950? a friend who i knew from down south was originally from STD Louis and warned me that it was like stepping into a time warp. 1950 in full force. and here it was standing in my living room. after picking my chin up off the floor, i asked him to leave and not return, especially with that kind of close-mindedness...said the homosexual. eventually, my roommate lost her job and moved to another city. and took her fcuking cat with her. STRIKE FIVE.

STD Louis was like no other place i had ever been before. this was a city who didn't even have a crate & barrel until november of 2004. that's right. not a'one. and when it opened lanes of traffic were closed with the entire STD Louis police force directing traffic. all of the gay bars can be found on a strip in a neighborhood which will not be going through any changes any time soon. and once the straights started coming, traffic lights and parking lot lights lit the area. god forbid one of the suburbanites who was making their way into the city for a big night out got attacked. or had to look a homeless person in the face. and on the weekend downtown resembled a ghost town from a john wayne western movie. SIX, SEVEN & EIGHT.

recently, i got a job in my hometown. nyc. the greatest city in the world. i have doubled my salary and have been given more responsability i could have ever asked for. and i can be whomever the hell i want to be. so, i have said goodbye to the city of closed-mindedness, psycho bible studying roommates, tornados and the city with the highest outbreak of ghonnoreia in the country. hence STD Louis.

but, trying to find the positive in the past year and nine months, i have realized how fortunate i am to have been born and raised in the greatest melting pot of the world. i am extremely fortunate to have been exposed to all that i have been. and realize what i never want for my life. i did meet some amazing people, both in my industry and in my personal life. and the best positive of all is the fact that through all the grayness of STD Louis, i met the one person who i have felt madly in love with. the boyfriend. our 1-year anniversary is next month and i could not be more thankful that i met him and that he was crazy enough to fall for me. the next step is to get him to nyc as soon as possible. and he does, after all, wipe away STRIKES ONE through EIGHT.

so, i guess life's little lesson is that there really is good in every bit of misery.

Tinseltown Theories

well last night hollywood played host to the 'gay oscars' or what is also know as the academy awards. i have watched faithfully year after year, dragging friends with me to theatres in an effort to cross each best picture nomination of my list of movies to see. i have attended parties where there was in fact a red carpet leading up to the house to parties that were thrown together the hour before the show was starting. in my years of watching the gay oscars, i have formulated some theories about who will walk home with the golden statue. and last night my theory proved true in both the lead actor and actress catagories.

here it is. not4nothin's 100%-bon-a-fide way you could win an oscar as opposed to a razzie. first factor in winning an oscar...be sure to chose a role in which you play a real life person. it does not matter whether they are currently living or dead. as long as they once roamed this earth. second factor in winning an oscar...play a person living or dead who had some sort of diability whether it be mental, physical or emotional. and the final factor in quaranting an oscar win...alter your own personal look. that would include gaining 100 pounds, putting on a fake nose or adding a third eye to your forehead. think about it...jamie fox playing ray charles, charlize theron playing that femail serial killer, nicole kidman playing virginia wolff. the list goes on.

one of last nights winners...philip seymour hoffman. played real life author truman capote. hoffman had to alter his voice. and one would argue that capote's disability would be that he was gay. last nights other winner...reese witherspoon. played real life entertainer june carter cash. witherspoon did her own singing and one could say her disability was her own husband, johnny, was he was under the influence for so many years.

i don't have much to say about hoffman's win other than the fact that i am so glad the man shaved his face and ran a comb through his hair. he was really good in this role. i knew nothing about truman capote walking into the movie and immediately purchased 'in cold blood' after leaving the theatre. hoffman has paid his dues both on the big screen and along the great white way. so, truly happy for him.

i do have some to say about ms. witherspoon's win. and i should start off by saying that i do like her a lot. i mean, come on, who wouldn't want to see little elle woods do well in her career? the little southern belle from tennessee is all grown up now. and come to think of it, considering it is a southern state, tennessee has produced some beautiful looking people. justin, anyone? anyway. i like reese. i actaully envy her a little. she herself is hot and look at who she gets to sleep next to each night. BUT. this was not an oscar-winning performance. without phoenix's performance as johnny cash, reese would have nothing. she was cute, she did her own singing and has come a loooong way from cross examining someone about their perm while wearing a hot pink business suit.

in my opinion, a performace that was oscar worthy, VERY oscar worthy was felicity huffman in 'transamerica.' here is a woman playing a man who is two steps away form becomming a woman. between the make-up leaving a hard looking face to the wardrobe to her posture to the altering of her voice, this was an oscar winning performance. there were many times when watching this movie that i forgot it was actually a woman in this role. and i am not talking julie andrews in 'victor/victoria.' this was a role that brought a real issue in mainstream america to the forefront. it was not a person dressing up as the opposite sex for sheer entertainment. and that alone deserves some recognition. felicity, you would have gotten my vote girl.

and i am sure all the queens spanning from south beach to west hollywood were all a flutter and felt they were being pushed back into the closet when 'brokeback' did not win for best picture. there is a really good reason for this. really, there is. IT SUCKED!!! i have said it once and i will say it again...it was nothing but 'romeo & juliet' except with two men this time. i will say this though after hearng many peoples reaction to the movie. it is ultimately a story which everyone can relate to. it is a story about love and no matter how old we are, what color our skin is or who we chose to share our bed with love is something that we all have in common.

i do think that 'crash' winning for best picture is a huge statement being made by some of the most powerful people in this country...the academy. this movie deals with some serious issues. and i applaude the fact that a large majority of this nation's population acknowledges the fact that many of the issues dealt with in this movie still unfortunately exist in 2006 (too bad they did't think the same when re-electing the current a$$hole running the country). and until we meet them head on and face them, they will not just magically disappear.

that last statement makes me wonder and question why it sometimes takes the world of tinseltown to point out and raise issues that remain in our society. issues that are stare us directly in the face. and sometimes make these problems seem alright. there have been gay cowboys for decades, racism for as long as i can remember and people struggling with their own sexual identity. so why now in 2005/6 are all of these issues being brought to the surface? could one argue that is america's handicap and we are all well on our way to receiving a gold statue?

Not4nothin's Oscar Picks

my picks for the top 6 cause that's all i really care about anyway. there will be more thoughts after the winners are announced on sunday.

BEST PICTURE...Crash
BEST ACTOR...Philip seymour Hoffman. it's a shame that he and Joaquin Phoenix are both nominated in the same year because Joaquin really was great as johnny cash.
BEST ACTRESS...i THINK it is going to go to Reese Witherspoon and i FEEL IT SHOULD GO TO Felicity Huffman.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR...Paul Giamatti because he was snubbed for Crash and George Clooney has 2 other nominations.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS...Catherine Keener because i think she is going to sneak in.
BEST DIRECTOR...Ang Lee

reviews of the oscars, my thoughts on marti gras and the 'primetime' feature on polygomy that i saw last night all next week.

happy weekend.