Out of the Red

since the beginning of this blog, not4nothin has managed to keep my identity and where-abouts under wraps. there is always something special about the heir of mystery. until now. for the past year and nine months, i have been living in one of the most backward cities i think is still left in this country. the gateway to the west. saint louis.

my journey started in june of 2004. the company i was working for until recently began courting me making it seem that both the company and city were like the second coming. i was coming from the south and had been tired of doing the freelance thing. it was time to settle. it was at lunch with the company's hr person when i was informed that i would be the company's only person who happened to sleep with memebers of the same sex. STRIKE ONE. well, i don't know how many (or lack of how many) gay people this hr person had ever seen, but let me tell you, i was 1 of 4 people who happened to sleep with members of the same sex. as i made my way across the highway from southern illinois into missouri a horrible feeling swirled above myself and roxy (my car). and so it began.

the moving company which held my possessions for some reason held my things for a much longer extended amount of time than originally promised. by the time i got my things, i had grown accustomed to the air mattress i would lay my head on each night and same weeks worth of clothes everyone at the office had grown accustomed to.

the company for which i worked for looked all shiny and new on the outside but was far from it once on the inside. not only was it a 100% boys club but my boss' attitude toward me shifted immediately once he learned that i sucked d*ck. and come 6 o'clock i would watch the tumble weed blow through the floor as i was the only one there still working. seems like i was one of the few who didn't have a home, a spouse, 2.5 kids, a dog and white picket fence to go home to. i mean i was 'THE company gay' after all. within the next few months, the person who was hired to work as my partner turned out to be an absolute psycho. she kept a blog, much like this one, except handed out the link to everyone at work and then trashed each co-worker one by one using names and all. and talked about current projects while using client names. she was eventually 'let go.' a little birdy uncovered the blog and handed it over the the owners of the company. STRIKES TWO & THREE.

and on the home front, things were just as unsettling. i had one roommate who wanted to break the lease in order to move in with her boyfriend (of less than a year who was also the guy she cheated on with while dating her previous boyfriend. who also happened to be a co-worked of mine.). she was never home to begin with but once the bible-studying beotch didn't get her way began accusing me and my other roommate of causing a miserable and unstable living situation. looooong story short. i took the Cee U Next Tuesday to court and she had to pay the remainder of the lease. don't fcuk with an italian from the nyc. STRIKE FOUR.

oh, and the other roommate was a whiny-woe-is-me-no-one-else-has-any-problems kinda gal. and her biggoted, close-minded relatives lived a short 15 minutes away. grandpa was asked not to return to our apartment after asking if many 'Ns' lived in our building. what was this? 1950? a friend who i knew from down south was originally from STD Louis and warned me that it was like stepping into a time warp. 1950 in full force. and here it was standing in my living room. after picking my chin up off the floor, i asked him to leave and not return, especially with that kind of close-mindedness...said the homosexual. eventually, my roommate lost her job and moved to another city. and took her fcuking cat with her. STRIKE FIVE.

STD Louis was like no other place i had ever been before. this was a city who didn't even have a crate & barrel until november of 2004. that's right. not a'one. and when it opened lanes of traffic were closed with the entire STD Louis police force directing traffic. all of the gay bars can be found on a strip in a neighborhood which will not be going through any changes any time soon. and once the straights started coming, traffic lights and parking lot lights lit the area. god forbid one of the suburbanites who was making their way into the city for a big night out got attacked. or had to look a homeless person in the face. and on the weekend downtown resembled a ghost town from a john wayne western movie. SIX, SEVEN & EIGHT.

recently, i got a job in my hometown. nyc. the greatest city in the world. i have doubled my salary and have been given more responsability i could have ever asked for. and i can be whomever the hell i want to be. so, i have said goodbye to the city of closed-mindedness, psycho bible studying roommates, tornados and the city with the highest outbreak of ghonnoreia in the country. hence STD Louis.

but, trying to find the positive in the past year and nine months, i have realized how fortunate i am to have been born and raised in the greatest melting pot of the world. i am extremely fortunate to have been exposed to all that i have been. and realize what i never want for my life. i did meet some amazing people, both in my industry and in my personal life. and the best positive of all is the fact that through all the grayness of STD Louis, i met the one person who i have felt madly in love with. the boyfriend. our 1-year anniversary is next month and i could not be more thankful that i met him and that he was crazy enough to fall for me. the next step is to get him to nyc as soon as possible. and he does, after all, wipe away STRIKES ONE through EIGHT.

so, i guess life's little lesson is that there really is good in every bit of misery.