I'm Not in Kansas Anymore.

what can i say? i'm a big-city boy. a new-york-city-boy to be exact.

i have lived in several cities up and down the east coast, but have somehow always ended up back in my hometown. nyc always seemed to be the place i went back to after 3 to 4 years in another city. that was, until recently. i moved from a cosmopolitan, southern city to a 'big, small-midwestern town' a little over a year ago. there was no diversion to my hometown in between my moves. so, technically, i have not been a resident of my hometown for more than a year and a half now. and i have not been back to my original stomping grounds for almost 8 months now with no hope of returning for another 4.

i don't know if it is the recent heat wave which passed through these parts, the latest religious group preaching that all homosexuals are going to burn in hell (where the party will probably be better anyway) or the fact that i have never felt like such a minority in every way, shape and form until now which has made me realize just how much i miss home. and want to go back.

i speak to my parents at least twice a week. my grandparents once a week. and my good friends every two to three days. i hear of all the exciting and brand new things that take place on a daily basis. the newest restaurant. the latest art exhibit. the big celebrity sighting. out dancing or drinking til 4 or 5 in the morning. how a movie which opened 4 months ago is still playing in some hole in the wall, back corner theatre. energy. excitement. people living. diversity. culture.

everything which is lacking from where i currently live. here the bars and clubs all close at 2. downtown becomes a ghost town by 5 in the afternoon. you can't walk more than 5 feet without stumbling across an abandoned building. people are scared and do not accept anyone different than they are. if you are not white, straight, religious, want kids, own a home and have not been exposed to a variety of people and different cultures, you don't stand a chance. all makes sense to me now why the republican party has such an easy time winning an election. preaching about religion and family values is the key when talking to more than 50% of the country who live that way. what is sad to me is that all of the people in these parts aspire to be just that. and that's it.

what i find extremely amusing are people who think they are an authority on everything known to man, but have not lived or traveled further than 25 miles from where they were born. these are usually the most closed-minded, bigoted, racist people i have ever encountered. and these parts got plenty of 'em.

now, don't get me wrong, there are a few exceptions to the rule. there are a few who have gotten out and seen what the world has to offer. but somehow, maybe for financial reasons, have all ended up back in these backward parts. for as much as some of these midwestern cities preach about bringing diversity in, it is extremely hard for anyone who is not from here, to fit in. which is why i often have a blank stare on my face when faced with answering the questions 'so, where did you go to high school?' and 'which church do you attend?' questions in which i know they would not like to hear the answers. 'well, i went to an all boys catholic high school in which several football players were caught blowing one another and one of the brothers didn't return once his videotape of all of us changing in the locker room after gym class surfaced. and oh, i don't go to church because according to many, i am going to burn in hell.'

so, if it were up to me and i had my way, i'd be back in the original city of sin. the greatest place in the world, hands down. a city so great that countless movies and television shows use it for their backdrop. a city which accepts everyone, no matter color, religious beliefs, age or sexuality. the city in which i am more than proud to call my home.

i'll make it back. maybe not next week, but rest assured, i'm coming home.