Tuesday, April 19, 2005

I'm in Love

for some reason last night a little voice in the back of my head was telling me to watch the final two episodes of 'sex and the city.' since i have every single episode on dvd, this was not a hard thing to do. the final two episodes of this show not only examine the romantic relationships each of the characters have but also the relationship that the women have with each other. to me, it felt like an appropriate thing to do. for some reason i have been examining and thinking about all of the relationships and friendships that i have had and continue to have in my life. six extra hours stuck in an airport while trying to get across the country and not being able to sleep at night because of an awful headcold will do that to a person.

i think that over time, and maybe because i am supposed to be getting smarter and wiser, i have come to a conclusion. the conclusion that i have come to is that people come into and step out of a person's life for a reason. every person who we interact with, whether it be for the long or short term, good or bad, has a purpose. the only thing we must keep in mind is that the purpose is not always clear right off the bat. with a little bit of patience and timing, the purpose of every relationship and interaction is revealed.

i am an only child (please keep all only children comments to yourself) and my friends mean the world to me. i feel that i am fortunate enough to say that i have a solid core group of friends who i would do anything for. these are the people who i would literally drop whatever it is i am doing and be by their side in a matter of seconds. and being in a completely different state in the middle of nowhere does not make this an easy task. but, i'd do it. i think that it is truly amazing that something so simple as a lyric in a song, a line in a movie or the scent of someone's cologne or perfume can trigger a memory of someone and transport the person recalling it right back to that moment in time.

for me, janet jackson singing about her 'escapade' transports me back to the house of my friend's grandmother. we looked at each other and wished we could just escape from all of our 7th grade problems. book reports, pop quizzes, being popular. those were the real struggles then. what i wouldn't give to switch those with some of the things i have experienced as an adult. 'hungry like the wolf' takes me back to my sophomore year in college which was my first summer away from home and my first apartment in a big city. my friend lived across the street. trouble was to be found at all hours of the day and we were capable of finding it.

true friends are the people who know you inside and out. or i should say, are the people that you have allowed to get to know you inside and out. true friends are the people who can tell something is wrong within the first 2 seconds of looking at your face. true friends are the people you share practically every emotion with. laughter, tears, anger, fear. and sometimes even sex. true friends are the people you can sit with and be with in their presence, not say a word the entire time and have one of the best conversations of your life. true friends are the people who have seen you at your best and are still around after seeing you at your worst. true friends are the people you can walk up 5th avenue with while discussing your most erotic sexual pleasures (you know who you are and you know mine). true friends are the people who you want to call the minute something great happens and they are the ones who you want to call first when something bad happens.

i have lived in a few major cities this country has to offer while making my way through life's journey. each time, i formed relationships that i enjoyed while i was there and took with me when i left. it is those relationships and memories that i held close when venturing out into the unknown to start all over. many of the closest people in my life have come within the past decade. they are the relationships i have formed when i considered to be completely on my own. many of them were formed in college when we were eighteen and thought we knew it all. but, ten years later, they are the relationships which have remained the strongest. it has been one of my greatest pleasures growing into adulthood with these people. and then there are the relationships i have formed in my adult life. another great pleasure has been learning form these people and applying their knowledge to aspects of my own life.

much of what i have expressed sounds like what one would say when describing an intimate partner. trust, emotions, laughter, tears, memories, companionship. all things one looks for when looking for a partner, an equal. i love the idea that i can call any one of these people and know that they'd be there. people who have praised me and patted me on the back for my accomplishments and caught me when i have fallen.

i've never stopped to realize that for all the times i have tried to push an intimate love out of my life, it was already there. guess you could say i have always been in love...with my true friends.


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