Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Samantha Straight Up with a Shot of Miranda, Carrie on the side. Hold the Charlotte.

many of my friends are currently having relationship issues. drama with their current partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, fcuk buddy, ex-partner, ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, ex-spouse, ex-fcuk buddy, etc. drama hitting people from all ends. some even losing sleep over it. it seems that no matter what is going on with anyone, this is the one area where there is always something happening. it is also an area of life that i never quiet understood, for myself or for others. and i will be the first to admit that this is the one area of my life that i have never been good at or has come easy.

back in college, i was definately a charlotte. i wanted the fairy-tale romance and walked around with my head in the clouds thinking that every person i met was great and that they were 'the one' and that this would be the end of my dating life. i did my fair share of what could be called as 'hooking up' back in college. but i always made a sharp stop as i rounded third with home plate in sight. for all the 'hooking up' and 'teasing' i did back then, i still held out for the fairy-tale. i was content walking through clubs and bars with mary j. blige's 'real love' streaming through my head.

as i got older, always the 'single one' no matter what group of friends i was with, the dating continued. post-college saw me mixing it up, having a good time. i delved deeper and my inner samantha began to shine through with a side of miranda. 'going out and meeting new people with a samantha attitude and actions with mirnada creeping through the next morning after the previous night's conquest got dressed and quietly exitted once i began brewing my first cup of coffee for the day' would be the best way to describe it.

eventually three different people, from different walks of life were able to hold me over and make me content in a carrie sort of way for a little while. dating the out-of-work b'way actor was fun. especially when he became completely dependent on me for everything while he sat home watching "passions" as opposed to attending call backs. and you'd think i would get to see a slew of b'way shows when dating someone in the business. we the expense of my credit card. there was the slightly younger (by 3 years) guy who i dated while waiting tables and bartending trying to put myself through grad school. his jealousy and giving me crabs should have tole me that he was cheating on me. and he had the nerve to have his fling come with him to help move his crap out of my apartment. i round out this group of losers with the guy who was after me for over a year. finally landed me and freaked out 2 months into our dating. he completely disappeared for a weekend. yup, i have the ability to make people flee from cities if i try hard enough. the best part about him was his regret and plee to have me back, which was as recent as 2 months ago. word of advice...NEVER sleep with an ex after it's over. some of them replicate flies to a fresh new piece of sh*t.

after making it through the relationship forrest, i shelved my inner carrie and went back to inner samantha. carrie reared her ugly head and after almost 2 years of embracing my inner samantha, a friend of 2+ years swooped in and completely stole my heart. i actually thought i had cracked the secret code to a friend. how could i have been so stupid all these years?! little did i know that 7 months later as easily as he won it, he was able to shatter it into a milion tiny pieces with one sentence that allowed my inner samantha to resurface for a long time to come. that one sentence was, 'the only reason i said i love you back is because you know i am a people pleaser.' yup. take a moment to re-read that if need be. from that day on, october 13th to be exact, i have vowed that no one will ever make me feel that way again.

i listen to my friends talk about their relationships, both good and bad, and i ask myself the question 'why?' why do people expose themselves so much and allow their heart to be crushed over and over? how can you find the strength to get back up, and let it happen again? why would you want to self-induce that kind of hurt, betrayal and pain? let's face facts. i have never had a good example of a relationship that has stood the test of time. my parents were divorced by the time i was six, my grandparents have been married for 54 years, but cannot stand one another and i have friends my age who have been married and divorced.

i must say you are all a better group of people than i am. more power to you. i recently, as recent as this weekend, cut two guys out of the picture. one who was moving way too fast and one who couldn't even understand the meaning of a booty call. he's 32 and single and let me say, i am not surprised.

my point is that life is too short. people come and people go. their purpose may not be clear right away but time will tell. have fun, meet people, get your groove on, embrace your inner samantha and shelve charlotte.


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